Diets, Lifestyles and Schizophrenic Scales!

You know how they (whoever 'they' are) always say that this should not be a diet, but rather, a lifestyle? Well, I've always agreed with that sentiment. But let's face it, if you are the kind of person I am, you will sabotage yourself with this mentality as much as you will by saying you are on a diet.

Let's observe:

I say I'm just on a diet.

"Oh, I can't have that delectable piece of chocolate, beneath the streaming valley of raspberry sauce, atop a mountain of ice cream with cookies and various other sweet nothings... I'm on a diet."

Well, that's all fine and dandy. Until the day I am staring down at my fat free, gluten free, sugar free, sanity free, cardboard flavored, 'I Can't Believe it's Not Cracker,' topped with my soy, cheddar-jack flavored cheese-that's-not-really-cheese and I freak out, tear off all my clothes and go running through the streets, screaming "I'm an ice cream sandwich! I'm an ice cream sandwich!"... ::sigh:: I've seen it a hundred times.

Now, let's say I insist this is NOT a diet, but rather, a 'lifestyle.' Yes, this works great too. I eat this and that and I say, "Well, if I mess up, it's okay, there's always tomorrow." That's all fine and dandy also, but that's when the excuse making begins.

See, in my warped mind, which is not so prone to moderation, I can eat that raspberry, chocolate mountain thingy (which, by the way, sounds amazing right now), and I will just write it off as part of my 'allowable lifestyle.' But the problem is that eventually, I will do it every day until I can't even remember what my healthy food choices used to be.

So, what is the solution? Where is the happy medium? Well, honestly, if I knew, I would probably be making money, selling books on this stuff instead of venting on a blog, somewhere on the Internet!

And speaking of venting! You know how they always say that when you're trying to lose weight, you should not weigh yourself every day? Well, I can definitely understand why. Here is an example of the underlying sabotage in doing this:

Today I'm weighing in at three to four pounds heavier than yesterday! I say three to four because my moody, schizophrenic scale can never make up it's mind how much I actually weigh and usually gives me about five different options, which I then have to average out.

And I know, I know, they always say that the human body can differ a few pounds from day to day, based on water retention, time of day you weighed in, etc. But really, it was first thing in the morning, both days, Could I really have retained FOUR pounds of water since yesterday? Or gained that much weight, for that matter? I think not.

Therefore, I call bologna on my scale and I would like to say a word to the manufacturers of this particular brand of scale (and you know who you are). I am extremely unhappy with you and your, obviously highly unreliable and schizophrenic, scale right now and I refuse to acknowledge this alleged weight gain as a true and accurate thing. That is all.

Happy "dieting" everyone!